


Say No to My Destiny

by Bel_vio



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, angel!bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-11 17:12:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7061995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bel_vio/pseuds/Bel_vio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky is a Guardian Angel assigned to Peggy Carter. After something goes wrong in the Destiny Department in heaven, the Archangels realize that Steve Rogers and Peggy Carter were supposed to be dating and are not.</p><p>Bucky is sent to earth to help. What he’s not expecting is for Steve to fall for him instead.</p><p>Or for him to fall for Steve...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I haven't posted anything for a while so I thought of this one today. It's going to be my first chaptered work and I really hope you all like it.

 

Bucky has been a Guardian Angel for hundreds of years. He is almost a thousand years old and doesn’t remember a time where he wasn’t helping the humans with their destiny. Contrary to what some of the other Angels believe, he loves is job. Being a Guardian Angel means he has to protect, not only one human, but several of them; sometimes at the same time.

Sometimes other Angels, those who never went to earth, wonder what it would be like to be a human—to feel. But not Bucky. He has gone to earth all of four times, and because when Angels go ‘down there’ they become almost like half humans, Bucky knows what it’s like to feel. He really likes it, but he loves being an Angel more.

One day, hundred years after Bucky’s last visit on Earth, his superior comes to him looking agitated.

“Bucky, you’re needed upstairs.” He says.

It’s common knowledge that there isn’t an actually upstairs. It’s heaven and that’s it. But when someone says ‘upstairs’, everyone knows they mean the Archangels and that makes Bucky feeling a little dizzy. No one is called to be spoken by the Archangels unless you messed something up or something went wrong ‘upstairs’.

As soon as Bucky enters the Archangels room he knows something really bad happened. There are five Archangels sitting on their big chairs and they all look massively troubled.

Bucky stands in the middle of the room and doesn’t say anything, waiting to be addressed.

“Bucky; Guardian Angel; Nine hundred and eighteen years old.” Someone he can’t see lists and the Archangels look at him.

“Greetings.” One of the Archangels addresses him and he bows his head in greeting as well.

“Bucky,” another says “you were sent here because we have a mission for you; a very important mission.”

“If you accept this mission,” which is a formality, really, no angel can deny a mission—especially coming from the Archangels themselves. “It is going to be the most important mission you have ever had.”

Bucky nods, because what else can he do.

“Something happened with the humans’ files. Something that had never happened before.”

“Someone altered the destiny files.”

“What?” Bucky is so stunned that he forgets that’s he’s not supposed to talk until the mission is explained. But none of the Archangels scold him; two of them even nod in agreement.

“You are to be sent to earth, assigned to an eighteen year old girl.” The Archangel in the middle instructs. “Her name is Margaret Carter and she was destined to fall in love with Steven Rogers, a boy with her age. But something went wrong and they are not falling for each other.”

“Your mission is to help the both of them fall in love.”

Bucky sucks in a breath, forcing himself not to speak. This is the first time he’s assigned this type of mission and he knows for sure it’s not going to be easy.

“You are going to do whatever it takes and no matter how long it takes, it is imperative that those two stay together.”

Bucky accepts the mission and then is given three files, one of each teenager and another of himself.

This is also going to be the first time Bucky is going to pass as a teenager. He has been a child, an old man and even a middle aged man but never a teenager. That makes him both excited and nervous.

 

~**~

 

Bucky’s first two weeks on earth are rather uneventful. He spends them trying to understand the future a little, because even if he’s kept an eye in a lot of humans throughout the years, he hasn’t been on the ‘ground’ for more than a century.

He quickly becomes very excited about the new world and very curious about everything. He loves it, how different it is from the last time he was here.

Bucky also meets a few teenagers in high school but he finds out that high school students don’t particularly care for transfers. He doesn’t mind, it means he can put his head on the mission without distractions.

He ends up meeting Steve Rogers before Margaret, or ‘Peggy’—as was in the file.

Steve Rogers is, at best, an interesting human being. Bucky has never met anyone that could resemble this young man. Steve is a genuinely good person and never brags about helping someone. Bucky thinks that—if the rumours are true and Angels were people once—Steve Rogers will probably be the best Angel in heaven one day. Even if—according to his file—he gets in fights every other day.

Actually, he gets in fights so much that Bucky almost expects to meet him in person during one of Steve’s fights.

He doesn’t. Instead they meet on a small coffee shop, close to Bucky’s assigned family’s house. Bucky found the coffee shop not two days after he came to earth, discovering the miracle that is coffee. He had tried coffee once, a hundred years ago, but back then the liquid humans called coffee was nothing compared to this marvellous thing that makes him feel all cosy.

Steve is in one of the chairs in the back. He has the tip of his tongue out of his mouth as he scribbles something on a notebook. From where he stands near the counter, Bucky can’t tell what Steve’s doing but as soon as he has the coffee on his hand, Bucky walks to the table where Steve sits, face frowning in concentration, and sits in front of the guy.

At first Steve doesn’t notice someone sat in front of him but when Bucky clears his throat he looks up, confused. Bucky sees the notebook on the table and realizes Steve wasn’t writing, but drawing instead. He covers the drawing as soon as he sees Bucky looking and frowns “Yes?” he says annoyed.

“Uh, sorry.” Bucky extends his hand in front of him “Bucky Barnes.” Steve shakes his hand and immediately covers the drawing again “I– uh, have seen you at school.” Which is not a lie, really “I’m new there and, I don’t know, I thought I could use some friends?” It’s not coming as smooth as he was expecting and he wonders what’s wrong with him. Talking to people was never a problem to him.

“I’ve seen you around, too.” Steve relaxes a little, but still doesn’t uncover his drawing “Steve Rogers.”

Bucky grins and motions for the drawing “I won’t look if you don’t want me to see it.” Steve tenses again before going red and closes the sketchbook, pretending it’s not a big deal. But Bucky knows better.

“So,” Steve starts but doesn’t really say anything else for a while. Bucky waits. “Where– where are you from? You don’t recognize your accent.”

Bucky knows for sure he doesn’t have an accent. It’s like a perk of being an Angel; he can speak several languages and doesn’t have an accent for any of them. He doesn’t know all the languages in the world, but he’s proud to admit that human languages always fascinated him and so he’s learnt several ones throughout the years; even if they change from time to time.

“I’m from Indiana. My mum got a job offer here in Brooklyn and so we moved.”

“Cool. I’ve lived here all my life. It’s always been me and my mum and we never had reasons to move.” Steve seems to realize too late what he said and blushes a little. That’s how Bucky discovers Steve doesn’t like to talk much about himself.

“I like it here.” He tries.

“When did you get here?” Steve asks and Bucky notices he’s glad to change the topic.

“Two weeks ago.”

Steve laughs at that and Bucky finds himself grinning. “And you’re already sure?”

“Well, I’ve seen other places, and I actually like it here a lot.” He shrugs.

“Normally, people that move around a lot don’t really like it much.”

“Well, my sisters were a bit sad about it, but I like to see new places.” Bucky says, referring to the girls that were assigned as his sisters.

When Angels are assigned to the earth, they usually have a family assigned to them. The people don’t know what the Angel is and to them is as if the angel was there all along but don’t remember them ever being there when the angel leaves.

That’s one of the reasons Bucky doesn’t like to be assigned as a teenager or, like he once was, a younger kid. He gets attached to people easily and it’s harder to leave the earth if he has someone to leave behind.

The couple assigned to him—the Barnes—has three girls, all younger than 18 year old Bucky. Becca is thirteen and the twins, Callie and Grace, are barely nine. They are all really sweet and Bucky got on with everyone right away.

 

~**~

 

After that encounter Bucky sees Steve again at school the next day and is glad that he doesn’t pretend to not recognize Bucky or ignores him completely.

Steve smiles in greeting when Bucky sits in front of him at lunch and they both make small talk as they eat, trying to get to know each other. Steve’s file doesn’t say much about him so he’s glad that he finally gets to know the guy.

When they’re almost done, Peggy Carter herself sits next to Bucky and greets them both. She looks at Bucky in confusion and so Bucky introduces himself, pretending not to know who she is.

 

The three of them get along just fine but as the weeks pass Bucky starts to get concerned because neither Steve or Peggy seem interested in each other so Bucky starts to think of a plan to set them up.

Bucky doesn’t really know why neither of them is interested in each other. Steve, despite being small for his age and very skinny, is very attractive. When he stands in the sun, his blond hair almost looks like it’s made of gold; his eyes are the most beautiful blue Bucky as ever seen, and he wonders if God made that colour just for Steve’s eyes.

Peggy Carter is one of the best looking girls in school; she is very intelligent and really nice. He tries to tell Steve that but the guy only agrees and changes the topic, making Bucky frown.

 

~**~

 

Three months after Bucky was assigned with the mission, Steve and Peggy still haven’t looked at each other more than two friends do.

He goes to class and learns like a normal teenager, getting more and more excited about the different subjects; especially history.

He also gets to know Steve a lot better, and even though he’s assigned to Peggy he finds himself hanging out more with Steve than her.

Bucky had read about Steve’s diseases and weaknesses in his file but actually watching Steve having an asthma attack or noticing how he can’t walk home from school without having to sit on the sofa as soon as he sets foot inside because his legs are not strong enough to take him upstairs yet, are completely different things.

He learns that Steve’s file didn’t mention how proud he is; normally refusing to get help even as he physically struggles with something. It doesn’t mention how strong Steve is, either. Bucky was surprised to see that despite what Steve went through in his childhood he still helps the others, and never gives up on what he wants or dreams.

 

He finally gets Steve to ask Peggy out on a date, a month before the school ends.

Steve is very nervous, but Bucky is almost giddy. He prepares everything and doesn’t notice how Steve’s face falls every time Bucky mentions how excited he is for Steve and Peggy’s date.

On the day of the date, though, Bucky isn’t feeling as excited as he should. He’s been hanging out with Steve almost every day for three months so a small part of him wants Steve to cancel the date and stay with him instead, drawing on that mysterious sketchbook whilst Bucky reads the books he has stuffed in his room.

Bucky doesn’t stop Steve from going though and so fifteen minutes before he is due to pick Peggy up, Steve is already dressed and is pacing to and fro in his room, giving Bucky a headache.

“C’mon, Stevie, it’ll be fine.” He assures, not taking his eyes from the book he’s reading on Steve’s bed.

“I don’t know why I listened to you, Buck.” Steve stops pacing and sits on the end of the bed, close to Bucky’s head. “Peggy and I have always been friends and we’re fine like that.”

“Steve, Peggy _likes_ you. Everyone can tell.” Bucky finally puts his book down and looks up at Steve as he talks.

“Yeah, but you don’t go out with any girl that likes you, do you?” the look Steve gives him, makes Bucky roll his eyes and he lifts his body and sits next to Steve instead.

“That’s different.” He doesn’t elaborate on how. “Besides, Peg’s hardly _any_ girl, is she?”

Steve blushes and hangs his head “No.” He takes a deep breath, and smiles, but Bucky can tell it’s a little forced. “I guess I’m just nervous.”

“Yeah,” he puts a hand on Steve’s shoulder and squeezes “You’ll be fine, pal.”

 

~**~

 

Steve and Peggy go on a few more dates before the school ends and one more during the summer.

Bucky was expecting to go back to heaven during that period but by July he’s still on earth and he’s starting to worry because not only is his mission complete, Bucky is starting to have mixed feelings about it.

 

In August Peggy approaches Bucky and has a serious conversation with him. One he wasn’t really expecting.

“How are things going on with you and Steve?” He asks Peggy as they sit on their normal coffee shop. She’s drinking tea, one that Bucky doesn’t know the name to and Bucky is drinking coffee. There’s a plate with some pastries in the middle of the table that both of them eat from.

“What do you mean?” She looks a little confused.

“You know– your dates and all.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Bucky nods so she proceeds “You know Steve and I aren’t dating, don’t you?” when Bucky frowns she smiles and says “That’s what I thought. Steve and I haven’t been going on _dates_. We go out, yes. But as friends.”

Bucky tenses and looks at her, waiting for the punch line. She just lifts an eyebrow and takes a sip of her tea.

“He likes someone else.” She says.

“What? He– you– I thought,” He tries to calm down. What does she mean he likes someone else? “What do you mean he likes someone else?”

“Oh, Bucky.” She shakes her head.

Sometimes Bucky wonders if Peggy is really just a teenager. The looks she gives him sometimes, it’s like she knows who he is and what he’s been trying to do.

“You really have a thick head sometimes.”And suddenly Bucky can’t breathe. Steve likes someone. He doesn’t like Peggy. He doesn’t like– no.

“Do you–” he takes a sip of his coffee and she waits “Do you like him?”

“No. I also like someone else.” Bucky feels disappointed but also feels like he can breathe better, and that makes him rather confused.

They say goodbye to each other, promising to keep in touch and Bucky goes straight to Steve’s house. It’s Sarah, his mother, that answers the door but let’s him in once she sees it’s Bucky.

“Hello, James.” Sarah greets using his human name. “Steve is upstairs, in his room.”

“Thanks, Sarah. Do you mind if I go there?”

She just rolls her eyes and so he runs upstairs.

Steve is lying on his stomach on the floor, sketchbook in front of him. He has his back to Bucky but looks up when Bucky sits on his bed, trying not to frown. Steve notices of course, so he closes his sketchbook—he still doesn’t let Bucky see his drawings—and sits next to Bucky, without saying a word.

“Went out with Peggy, for coffee.” Bucky announces after a while.

“Yeah?” Peggy is Bucky’s friend as well, so Steve never said anything about Bucky and Peggy going to the coffee shop by themselves sometimes.

“You told me you two were going out on dates.” Steve turns his face away and sits a little straighter.

“I did.”

Bucky looks up at him “Why did you lie?”

“Because you were more excited about me going out with Peggy than anything else, since you first moved here. It was like you moved here with the goal of setting us together, or something.” Steve answers and gets up, giving his sketchbook a little kick.

Bucky tries to ignore the irony in what Steve said.

Steve stays a few minutes with his back to Bucky and when he turns around is to say “I like someone else, Bucky. Peggy knows that. _She_ likes someone else.” He sits next to Bucky again “Why do you want us together so much?”

Bucky ignores the question, asking instead “Who is it?”

“What?”

Bucky looks Steve in the eye and asks again “Who is it? Who could you possibly fall for over Peggy?”

Steve looks a little annoyed, and also like he’s bracing himself for something. He sits next to Bucky again with a sigh and looks at him for a long time. Bucky starts to feel a little small under Steve’s gaze. He never saw Steve looking at him the way he is now.

Suddenly, before Bucky can do anything about it Steve moves his head forward and kisses Bucky right on the mouth. He doesn’t move his lips—or any part of his body really—and Bucky immediately feels his own tense.  A hand comes to touch his cheek and he feels his body starting to get warm—too warm. He doesn’t know what to do with his hands or if he should move his lips. He doesn’t even close his eyes, the way Steve does.

But then Steve is moving back and Bucky can see a blush on his cheeks and the tip of his ears. Bucky looks at him with his eyes wide.

“You.” Steve says and looks down.

Bucky makes a noise of confusion on the back of his throat and Steve explains “You asked me who I could fall for over Peggy. It’s you, Buck. I–” he stops when Bucky gets up. “Bucky?”

“I can’t do this.” He’s starting to panic; he can feel his hands shaking. He never felt this way. His body is too warm and his feet want to take him back to stand next to Steve. His hands want to touch the soft skin of his face and his lips want to trace the line of his jaw.

He can’t feel this way, he _can’t_.

“I– I have to go.” He walks towards the door and opens it, saying “I’m sorry,” before he leaves without turning back.

He doesn’t see the way tears rush to Steve’s eyes. He doesn’t see Steve sitting there, on the bed, looking at the door, almost without blinking or the tears running down his face. He doesn’t hear Steve’s first sob or what Sarah whispers in her son’s ear as he tries to fall asleep that night, her shoulder wet from where he laid his head for hours and cried, without a word.

Instead he runs home, almost hyperventilating. He feels his whole body shaking.

At home he locks himself in his room and sits on his bed, eyes fixed on the wall. The sun starts to set, and soon after a light appears in the middle of the room. As soon as he touches it he knows exactly what it is and where it’s going to take him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! I'm going to post the next chapter on Friday.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna warn everyone that I din't go to university and I don't really know how that works. I tried not to be specific so I hope it's not too bad.

 

Bucky enters the Archangels room and stands on the exact place he stood months ago. This time the Archangels don’t look troubled, they look furious.

They are all talking to each other at the same time and don’t even acknowledge Bucky for several minutes.

At last, a voice—the same voice as before—announces “Bucky; Guardian Angel; Nine hundred and eighteen years.”

The archangels stop talking at once and they all look at him.

“Your mission was to make the two humans fall for each other. Instead you, not only made Steven Rogers fall for you, you fell for the boy as well.” The archangel in the middle fumes and Bucky tries to protest but another archangel interrupts:

“And you didn’t even notice Margaret Carter falling for Angela Martinelli.”

Bucky looks at all of them, confused. He never met any Angela Martinelli.

There is silence for a moment, then the Archangel to Bucky’s right says, “Margaret Carter and Steven Rogers were supposed to be High School sweethearts. When that didn’t happen we gave you more time to set them together.”

“I tried everything.” Bucky finally says, trying to defend himself. He can still feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on his own.

“You clearly didn’t try enough.”

“You were our best resource, Bucky.” One archangel that has barely spoken tells him.

“Falling for a human is forbidden, and you knew it.” The archangel in the middle says, his voice roaring through the room. Bucky’s face falls with dread. “You broke one of the most important laws in heaven, and so you ought to be punished.”

“What?”

The other archangels nod in agreement.

“As from now on you won’t be an angel anymore. Your wings will be taken off and you will be sent to earth. This time for good.” Bucky’s eyes fill with tears.

“No. No, please, no!”

“The guards will escort you to the place of the ceremony, right away.”

They take Bucky to a room he has never seen before and force him on his knees in the centre of it. There are more Archangels this time, at least twenty and they all look at him as one of the guards rips his wings from his back. Bucky’s never felt so much pain in his life before. He feels like they’re ripping his soul, which for an angel is pretty similar.

The wings turn to dust and Bucky feels like he’s going to puke at any minute.

“And one more thing.” The Archangel on the front says and Bucky forces himself to look up “You are never to see the boy again. If you go close to him again you will both be sent to hell.”

 

Bucky wakes up on the floor of his bedroom. He has tears on his face and a horrible pain in his whole body. Then he remembers what happened, and he gets up and runs to the bathroom, emptying a stomach that didn’t have anything to begin with.

He stays in his room for the rest of the day. He can barely move is body without groaning in pain.

He doesn’t sleep all night.

The next morning his ‘mother’—well, he guesses she _is_ his mother now—comes to his room with a letter from a university he never applied for.

“What is that?”

“It’s a letter from Cambridge,” Winifred tells him. He doesn’t question it. She sits next to him on the bed and presses a hand on his forehead. “Bucky, you’re burning up!”

“I’m fine; I just need to lie down for a bit.” He moves closer to her and puts his head on her lap; something he had never done before. She passes her hand through his hair. “What is it, baby? Who hurt you?”

He buries his face in her lap, hiding half of his face and she leans down as much as she can and kisses his head. “No one.” He simply says.

“Do you want to open the letter? Maybe it will sheer you up.”

Bucky sits down and winces. It doesn’t hurt so much if he stays still, but as soon as he moves he can feel a shot of pain from his toes to his head. He looks at the envelope in her hand. Winnie passes it to him and smiles as he numbly opens the letter. He quickly reads it and then looks up at her. “I got in. Full scholarship.”

She shrieks and hugs him and then gets up and runs to the door calling for George. Bucky forces a smile on his face.

He knows this is the Archangels doing. It’s them making sure he stays away from Steve.

 

~**~

 

Bucky goes to Cambridge that September. Only three weeks later. He says goodbye to his parents and his sisters and gets in the plane.

And he doesn’t see Steve for another five years.

He studies hard and tries to forget the boy that smiled like the sun and scolded like a mother. He tries to forget every afternoon they spend together and every morning they went out for breakfast.

Bucky studies History at Cambridge for three years, without getting close to anyone. He focuses on his studies and gets a job at a hardware shop that barely leaves him any free time. He barely sleeps and when he does try to, he wakes up screaming, still seeing his wings turning to dust in front of him.

His parents always complain that he doesn’t go home, but he can’t risk it. Seeing Steve would be like ripping his heart out and after his wings, he doesn’t think he could take anything else. Even if the Archangels hadn’t forbidden him from seeing Steve again, he couldn’t do it anyway. How could he ever face Steve after hurting him like he did?

Bucky graduates from the university at twenty one years old—or nine hundred and twenty one—and not two months later, just after he starts at his new job at the library in the same university, a light that he easily recognizes appears again between two shelves, whilst he’s putting some books away.

He doesn’t know what to think of it. At first he thinks it might be for an angel that is in the library. Then he realizes two things: one, he’s completely alone in there; and two, only the angel the light is addressed to can see it.

But he’s not an angel anymore and he has no idea what the Archangels want with him.

He touches the light and is instantly standing on the same room he stood all those years ago.

“Bucky Barnes. Human. Twenty one years old.” The voice announces this time.

“Bucky,” one of the Archangels greets him but Bucky doesn’t do the same.

“What am I doing here?” He asks instead, his arms crossed in front of him. He doesn’t minimally care for the way he’s talking to them.

“We summoned you here to tell you that there’s been a terrible mistake.” One Archangel tells him after a moment.

“A terrible mistake, indeed.” Someone agrees.

Bucky looks at all of them but doesn’t say anything.

“The destiny files that were messed with almost four years ago were put in the wrong order.”

“What?” Bucky uncrosses his arms, mouth half open.

“Yes. Margaret was never destined to marry Steven Rogers,” Bucky feels his stomach turn at the name “or fall in love with him at all, for that matter.”

Now Bucky just looks stunned at them for a moment, before starting to feel the anger rise inside him.

Are they serious? After everything they put him through they tell him _now_ that it was a mistake?

“The girl was destined to fall in love with Angela Martinelli.”

“Which she did.”

“What– What about Steve?” he asks.

“The boy is a rather strange case.” The archangel in the middle tells him.

“What do you mean?” Bucky takes a step forward but steps back again.

“Steven‘s destiny is unclear.”

“What?”

“This has never happened before. We don’t know who the boy is destined to.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a while, then comes to his senses “Why am I here?” he asks again.

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.” One of them says.

“I’m human now and I’m not assigned to them anymore. You didn’t _have_ to tell me that. Why am I here? Why did you summon me, _really_?”

“To tell you that we were wrong and so because of that you are going to be given a choice.”

“A what?” He really wasn’t expecting them to say that.

“A choice. But you need to be aware, however, that the choice you make now can’t be undone. Whatever you chose, you’ll have to live with that forever.”

Bucky nods for the lack of words to say.

“We want to ask you if you want to become an angel again or stay human.”

Bucky’s eyes widen and his breath catches. “W-what? You can– you’d give me my wings back?” he stutters.

“Not your wings, no. Your wings were turned to dust and can’t be brought back. But you’d have wings again, yes.”

There’s a pause.

“If you chose to become an angel again, you won’t go to earth for another hundred years.”

“And if you chose to be human, you won’t have wings again and you will have a mortal life, like any other human.”

Bucky thinks of his work in Cambridge. Thinks of Professor Allman, who calls him apprentice instead of intern, even though Bucky isn’t technically none of those. He remembers the three years he spent in the university and how much he loved it.

He thinks of his family. Of Becca who turned sixteen last month and Callie and Grace who are now twelve. He thinks of how much he misses them and how he could see them more often. If he chooses his wings, he won’t see them again and they won’t even remember him.

He thinks of Steve. He thinks about his eyes, and his hair and his lips. He thinks about his hands and his jaw and–

“I want to stay human.” He finally says.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

 

~**~

 

Bucky doesn’t go back to New York. He stays another year in Cambridge and ignores the voice in his head—that suspiciously sounds a lot like Peggy—telling him how much of a coward he’s being.

Three times he almost buys a ticket back. Then he remembers how much he hurt Steve that day. He always ends up turning the laptop off without buying the ticket.

After a year, Bucky says goodbye to Professor Allman and moves to London, where means to start a new chapter of his life.

He doesn’t mean to come across Peggy Carter, of all people, only six months later, as he makes his grocery shopping.

She looks at him like she’s seen a ghost and the girl next to her looks confused for a moment, until she whispers something to Peggy and Peggy nods. Bucky stays glued to the ground, looking at the both of them. Peggy moves first, walking towards him and stopping right in front of him.

“James.” Peggy always called him Bucky. Except when she was angry with him.

“Peggy, how ha–” she doesn’t let him finish.

“Where have you been?”

“I–”

“Your parents said you moved to England, that you went to university here.”

“I did.” He looks down, not able to face her anymore.

“Why did you leave?” _him_ stays unspoken but Bucky hears it anyway.

“I– I didn’t have a choice.”

“Don’t bullshit me, Barnes.” The other girl—that must be Angela—looks at Peggy and back at him.

“I’m not lying, Peggy.” Bucky never felt so small in his life, not even when he faced the Archangels and had his wings ripped from him.

“You never called, you never– how could you, Bucky? You broke his heart!” And Bucky knows, God, does _he know_. But he _had_ to leave.

“Peggy, I really didn’t have a choice but to leave. And it’s not because of what you think.” He takes a deep breath. “I loved him. Still do.” It’s the first time he admits it to himself or to anyone.

She looks at him for a few minutes, searching his face for something. “You really do, don’t you?” All anger leaves her and now she just looks sad. Taking one last step forward, she hugs him like she never did before. Stepping back she puts her hands on his shoulder and asks “Do you have it now?”

“What?”

“You said you didn’t have a choice before. Do you have a choice now?”

“It’s been almost five years, Peggy. He wouldn’t want to see me now.” She hugs him again and whispers:

“You really have a thick head sometimes.” And he remembers the day she told him the exact same thing all those years ago, as they sat on that coffee shop.

She smiles at him and then leaves, Angela by her side.

 

The next day Bucky buys a one-way ticket back to New York.

 

~**~

 

Bucky goes to his parents home first. His mother cries with happiness and his father hugs him tightly before going to the kitchen to make some coffee. His sisters are more than happy to see him and Becca even cries a little.

He talks to them about England and Cambridge and university and everything else. It had been at least three years since he had come home, and even then he only stayed for a weekend. Bucky stays with his family for the rest of the evening and that night he sleeps on the bed he hadn’t slept on in years.

The next day he goes to Steve’s house after breakfast.

Bucky stands on the front porch for twenty minutes, before turning his back to the door and walking towards the pavement.

He doesn’t hear the sound of the front door opening but he does hear, “Are you just going to leave? Again?”

He feels his body tense and has to count to ten before he can turn around.

Steve is leaning against the door frame, arms crossed in front of him.

Five years. Bucky hadn’t seen him in five years. His eyes sting a little with tears. Steve looks beautiful. His hair is shorter and his eyes bluer—if that’s even possible—he also looks the same in many ways. He’s still as short as he was and still skinny, though not as much as he was when he was eighteen years old.

“What are you doing here?” Steve asks him when he doesn’t say anything for a long time.

“I– I don’t know.” His voice cracks and doesn’t look at Steve.

“Yes, you do.” Steve answers only before turning around and going back inside. He leaves the door open, so Bucky squares his shoulders and follows him.

Steve is sitting on the sofa, the one Bucky knows well. He spent cold spring afternoons, covered in a quilt Sarah had made when Steve was a baby, Steve by his side as they saw any TV show that was on at the time. Or reading out loud as Steve had his sketchbook on his legs and a pencil in his hand.

He sits next to Steve now, too; though this time he is much farther away than he used to be.

They don’t say anything for nearly an hour. Then Steve is the first one to break the silence. “Why?” he doesn’t elaborate, but Bucky doesn’t need him to.

“I–”

“Peggy told me. She said you didn’t have a choice.” Bucky looks at Steve surprised. “I want you to tell me why you left. If it wasn’t because I kissed you, then why?” Bucky’s stomach hurts with the mention of that moment, but he’s not looking at Steve to see his face or reaction.

He only knew Steve for a few months and hasn’t seen him in years, but Bucky was always good at reading Steve. Right from the beginning. That’s how he can tell Steve is not as calm or as put together as he appears to be.

“I– Steve, I need to tell you something. I don’t think you’ll believe me, but I’m going to tell you anyway. Then if you want me to, I will leave. For good.”

Steve frowns, but doesn’t say anything.

Bucky doesn’t know where to start. How do you tell the man you love who—or what—you used to be?

“Remember when, that day, you told me it looked like I moved here just to set you up with Peggy?” Steve nods, wincing just slightly. “Well, I did.”

Steve’s frown deepens.

“I– I didn’t move from Indiana. I didn’t move at all.” Steve opens his mouth to say something but Bucky stops him, raising a hand in front of him. “Please, don’t say anything until the end. If I don’t say this now, I don’t know if I ever will.

“Five years ago, I came to New York because I was assigned to Peggy Carter... as her Guardian Angel.”

Steve’s mouth drops open. He goes to talk again.

“Steve, please. I need you to listen to me.”

Steve nods.

“When you met me, I was an Angel. I was nine hundred and eighteen years old, and was assigned to come to earth to set you and Peggy together. I still don’t know what happened, but around six years ago something happened in heaven and the Destiny Department got messed up. Everyone’s files were changed and when the Angels of Destiny put the files in order again, they noticed that you and Peggy were destined to be together but that it wasn’t happening.

“They told me you two were supposed to be high school sweethearts. But you were just friends, so I was sent to help destiny right itself. Instead of helping though, I made it worse. I didn’t notice when Peggy fell for Angie Martinelli or when you fell for me.

“That day, after you kissed me, I was sent back to heaven and as a punishment my wings were ripped from me and turned to dust. They forbid me to ever see you again. Said that if I did, I would be sent to hell.” He doesn’t tell Steve that he too would be sent there, not just Bucky.

“When I uh– fell, I woke up in the Barnes’ house. Winifred had a letter from the University of Cambridge—which I had never applied to, to begin with—and I had been accepted with full scholarship. That’s where I went. I left three weeks later and didn’t come back until the summer between the second and third years, but I only stayed for a weekend and went back again.

“The Barneses aren’t—weren’t—really my family, not when you met me. When an Angel is assigned to the earth, on a mission, there’s normally a family assigned to them as well.”

Steve is silent for a while.

“Have you been drinking?” he asks finally.

“Steve, it’s ten in the morning.”

“Then you were right, I don’t believe you.” he states.

“You have to believe me, Steve. You know I’m telling you the truth.” Bucky pleads as Steve gets up from the sofa. “Stevie–” He gets up too and goes to grab Steve’s arm but he’s already turning around.

“Why now, then? If what you’re saying is true, why did you come back now, after all these years?”

Bucky sighs “A couple of months after I graduated, I was sent to heaven again. The Archangels told me that they had made a mistake. Turns out, when the Angels of Destiny sorted the files again, they got yours and Peggy’s wrong. Peggy hadn’t been destined to you. She’d been destined to Angie all along.”

Steve looks at him with an unimpressed look, and when Bucky takes a step forward Steve takes one backwards.

“They gave me the choice of going back to heaven. Get new wings and become an Angel again. But I–” he sighs.

“You what?” Steve prompts.

“I said no. I said I wanted to stay human.”

“Why?”

Bucky doesn’t have an answer.

“Who am I destined to?” Steve asks after a while.

“What?”

“You said the ‘Angels of Destiny’ got my file wrong.” he says, making quote marks with his hands. “Who am I destined to, then?”

“I don’t know. Your destiny was unknown. No one knows.”

“Right. That’s convenient, isn’t it?”

This time Bucky does grab Steve’s arm, though his touch is so light that Steve could move his arm away any time. He mostly feels defeated, and his words get out in a sigh “Steve, I’m telling you the truth. I really am.”

Steve looks up at him, searching his face like Peggy did.

“As I said before, I can leave if you want me to. I told you what happened. I made my choice. Now you make yours. I won’t blame you if you want me to leave. It’s been five years, you have the right to move on, Steve.”

“What made you come back?”

Bucky stares at Steve, not understanding what he means. Steve looks down for a second, then faces him again. “You said you chose to—well, you made that choice just after your graduation. That was almost two years ago. Why now?”

Bucky doesn’t really know himself, but he still tells him with a small smile, “I ran into Peggy. I was being a coward and she knocked some sense into me, I guess.”

Steve just looks up at him for a moment. “Did they really punish you because I fell in love with you?”

Bucky takes another step closer. This time Steve doesn’t step back. “No. They punished me because I fell in love with you too.”

Steve’s breath catches and he looks at Bucky for a long moment, eyes wide. Bucky stares back, he looks at Steve’s lips but doesn’t dare rush forward. He doesn’t let go of Steve’s arm but Steve doesn’t look concerned.

Their heads are really close and Bucky doesn’t know when they started leaning in. Steve stops when their lips are almost touching and so Bucky stops too. He can feel Steve’s warm breath on his lips and is aware of how close Steve actually is. Bucky lets go of Steve’s arm, putting his hand on Steve’s cheek instead and presses their lips together. Steve sucks in a breath and presses closer to Bucky.

This time their kiss is a lot different from the first one. Bucky moves both of his hands to Steve’s hips and brings him impossibly closer. One of Steve’s hands goes to Bucky’s hair—longer now than it used to be—and the other to the back of his neck. They move their lips together and Bucky feels like his body is going to overheat. He can feel his heart pounding in his chest and is almost sure Steve can feel it too.

They have to break apart after a while, because Steve’s breathing is becoming louder and Bucky really doesn’t want him to have an asthma attack right now.

“I don’t know if I believe you yet.” Steve tells him, but he’s smiling a little and has both arms around Bucky’s neck and their mouths still close. Bucky wraps both of his arms around Steve’s waist and buries his face in his neck.

“That’s alright.” He says, then whispers “I love you.”

Steve breaks the hug and looks up at him. “I love you, Steve.” Bucky repeats, louder. “God, I love you so, so much.” He kisses Steve’s temple and hugs him again.

“I love you, too, Bucky.”

“God knows what I did to deserve it.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees but kisses him again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is the epilogue and I'll try not to take too long to post it.
> 
> I really hope I didn't screw up anything and that you all liked it.
> 
> By the way, I'm really bad at describing kisses so let me know what you think.


	3. Epilogue

 

Bucky and Steve spend the next few years getting to know each other again. Telling each other about their university experiences and Bucky tells Steve about the four prior times he came to earth on a mission and what it was like to be an Angel.

Peggy visits them a lot with her wife Angie but neither Steve nor Bucky tell her about Bucky’s past.

Steve finally shows him his sketchbook and Bucky finds out why Steve never showed him the drawings. Most part is of Bucky: Bucky’s face, Bucky’s eyes, lips, and hands.

But there are also some of Peggy, of Sarah and other people, mostly strangers, with a background that Bucky recognizes as the coffee shop they met in.

Bucky gets a job as a History teacher in the local high school and moves in with Steve.

He learns what it’s like to be loved and how it feels to come home and see Steve on the corner of _their_ living room, wearing only an old pair of jeans and nothing else as he paints on his easel. He learns what it feels like to sleep on the same bed as Steve, holding him close. And what it feels like to have Steve inside him, as he pants and moans Steve’s name, only for Steve to moan his back.

He learns what it feels like to go to a jewellery shop and buy the most beautiful ring he sees in there. He learns what it feels like to put it on Steve’s finger as he says ‘Yes’.

He learns what it feels like to hold Steve’s hand as they both walk down the aisle, Bucky’s family smiling and crying as they pass, and Steve’s mum, watching over them from her seat in heaven.

And Bucky is nine hundred and twenty eight years old when he finally learns what it feels like to call Steve his husband.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! :)
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this one! I hope you like it as much as I do!
> 
> I'm on tumblr -- hailbuckystighs


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